Stress Management

I've discovered the secret to responsibility without stress: you just have to stop caring. Now, I know that sounds irresponsible and negative, but it really isn't. I still care about my job, and I am willing to do everything that I physically and legally can to meet my obligations. It's just that I've come to terms with the fact that some things are completely out of my control, and that stressing over them accomplishes nothing. For example, if I have a co-worker who plays a vital role in meeting a deadline, and that person is a prima donna who isn't going to do her part, no matter how much cajoling or complaining I do, and there's no one else who can do what she needs to do, then we're just not going to meet the deadline. My only choice in the matter is how to handle it: do I tattle to my boss on who is really holding things up, or do I, as project manager, shoulder the responsibility for something that I can't manage? Do I stress out about missing the deadline, or do I shrug and say philosophically that this is just how things are?

I admit that I have trouble understanding how people who are obviously intelligent enough to do their jobs just don't take the professional pride to act in a professional manner. And by that I mean - if you're not going to do something, say so, so at least someone else can do it. Heaven forbid I should mean actually doing the job you're supposed to do to help the team succeed.

I sound bitter. I'm not. Well, I was a little bitter, but I've gotten over it. I've lowered my expectations, and I'm going to do the best I can with what I have, knowing full well that it won't be enough. I have people on my support team who don't do their jobs and people in upper management who make commitments on my behalf without consulting me, and they call me a "manager" and pretend it's a great career stepping stone. There is no way to succeed, so I'm going to stop worrying about it and just do the best I can with what I can do. And I keep in mind that it's a job and the reason I do it is for the paycheck every two weeks. And I remember that there are still some parts of my job where I do feel like I work with people who care about what they're doing and where my contribution actually matters and is appreciated, and I try to focus on that, even though it's not my main responsibility.

I find that I'm feeling somewhat numb. That's not positive or negative, but it does indicate to me that I need a change, or at least a vacation. Luckily, I have a vacation scheduled in a few weeks, so I'm holding out as well as I can for now.

Numbness permeates into my non-work life. I keep thinking about trying more actively to get back into dating, or any semblence of a social life, but I just can't bring myself to bother. I keep thinking that there are so many jerks out there that I would have to weed through to find anyone vaguely worth pursuing, and I don't want to put myself through that. But loneliness is also no fun, and even though I like my own company, there are things you want to do with other people. And I love my family, but sometimes I feel like a tagalong in other people's lives. I want to be living my own life, not riding along on someone else's. But sadly, that too is something that is out of my control, so I maybe I need to stop caring there too.